Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
