I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
