I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
