I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
