dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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