Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
