so let's talk penis.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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