my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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