TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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