How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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