Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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