i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
This house was built for laser tag.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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