He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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