he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
