I puked a lego.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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