my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
