Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
