If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
