she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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