hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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