i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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