I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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