I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
