I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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