birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
