I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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