I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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