he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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