So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
as a side note pls kill me
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
