You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Your cock deserves a montage
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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