I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
