Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
