there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
