i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
