her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
