My balls are so social today.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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