I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm having to shit out rocks
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