Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
