It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
