dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
