Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
