just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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