Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize