me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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