Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
