The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
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Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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