How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
