i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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