Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
