Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
