You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
