my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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