party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
