hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
home. puking in laundry basket.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
