i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
