New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
