I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
