I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
