Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she peed on how many people?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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