Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i've created a new STD.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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