so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
