we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
