HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
