someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We need a shit load of segways right now
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
