i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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