if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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