I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
