the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
