Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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