My first STD was from a foam party
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
