dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
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Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
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They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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