How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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