I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
